As some of you know, Amelia's Dad is pursuing court. With this, I was required to take a "Parenting and Divorce" course. I was not happy about that at all. For one, I had to pay for it and two, I had to make sure someone could watch Amelia for me for the entire FOUR hours of it. I also walked into that class with these thoughts:
"Why should I have to take a parenting class? I am the full time parent. I am the one who has put in all the work. I'm not the one who needs to learn how to parent."
Think I sound a little bitter? Yeah, me too.
There I was walking into this class, annoyed and thinking I wouldn't get anything out of this course. I was wrong. The class was more focused on effective coparenting than how to be a parent. The instructor was happy, humorous, and informative. I walked out of that class with a completely different attitude than when I walked in.
It's easy for outsiders to say "well you just have to put your child first". The thing is, sometimes its hard to know what that is. I have always felt like I have a pretty strong moral compass. Not to say I haven't made my fair share of mistakes (and some big mistakes at that). When making a choice, I have always felt like if I give myself a little time I can clearly see what the right decision is. Except when it comes to co-parenting. For me, the right choices in coparenting have been very gray.
Co-parenting has been an emotional roller coaster. I have constantly tried to make steps toward a better relationship between Amelia's Dad and myself. It's been very difficult at times. There are so many different opinions out there on the best ways to do that. Some people feel you should keep your distance from each other- keeping everything "professional" and separate. Some people feel you should be friendly with one another.
My personal feelings toward co-parenting are this:
In my ideal world, me and Amelia's Dad would be friends. Actual friends. The kind of friends that can share special occasions with Amelia, all together. The kind of friends who trust each other and are supportive of one another. I never want Amelia to feel like she has two separate homes, or separate families. I've questioned myself at times, that maybe that's not the right thing to push for and that maybe I was wrong for wanting that.
After taking the parenting and divorce course, I realized that I SHOULD want to be friends with Amelia's dad. I SHOULD welcome him into her life. I'm not wrong about that. I left the class feeling reassured and like I had a few more tools to help me in my co-parenting relationship.
The biggest thing I took away from that class is to never stop trying- Never stop trying to have a positive relationship with Amelia's Dad. Never stop trying to keep him included in Amelia's life. Never stop trying to do the right thing. Again, easier said than done especially if the other parent is set against that. In the parenting class, I learned that its even more important to keep trying when this is the case.
There are seasons in life that aren't fun or happy. This class reminded me that there are things in our lives that we don't like and that we don't want to do, but how we react is 100% our choice. Even when live feels out of our control, we will always be able to control our reaction.
I'm going to keep trying for Amelia. I'm going to push for a friendship between me and her Dad. I'm going to continue to do my best for my sweet girl and use the tools that I have gained from this parenting course to work toward a better relationship with Amelia's Dad.
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